Why do we avoid change? Let us say one story that you have always told yourself and others is, “I’m not a joiner type.” Then you move into an over 55-community that encourages signing up for social clubs. Because you think you don’t like organized activities, this situation creates tension due to your pre-established introverted personality. Now you have two choices: Either update your self-concept to include sociability or avoid the community’s activities. Both options are difficult, but folks with fixed outlooks will find that challenging their self-concept is the harder choice. Telling others for years you were not ‘a joiner’ is another reason to avoid self-concept change, as there is social pressure to be consistent in your reputable character. Unconsciously we seek verification from others that confirm our existing personalities – both negative and positive. It may be helpful to separate identity from one’s behavior, so instead of stating, “I am not a joiner,” say, “I have yet to develop strong social skills,” which feels more achievable. A stable sense of reality is why people choose a familiar discomfort over unknown possibilities. Giving up the loner persona means facing the uncertainty of interacting with strangers engaging in an unfamiliar activity. The scenario is especially challenging since a loss of control is perceived, as the activity feels imposed rather than chosen. Many times, folks will hearken back to a past negative experience expecting a similar uneasiness from the one anticipated. Transformation requires energy and many are not willing to invest in the effort. People scare themselves, imagining what their situational discomfort, fear of failure and self-doubt will feel like, so they sabotage the event to avoid the risk. They also don’t grow.